Tuesday, December 08, 2009

The Legend of the Christmas Moose

The other day, someone stopped me and commented on the stuffed moose in a co-workers cubicle. The co-worker asked what a moose had to do with Christmas. I replied, "Oh, that is the Christmas Moose." I quickly realized my co-worker had never heard the legend of the Christmas Moose. As the days have progressed, it has become obivious to me that a lot of people are unfamiliar with one of the most vital parts of the story of Santa and the reindeer. So, here is the legend of the Christmas Moose.

Several years ago, Santa had a run of misfortune. He experienced a bad landing almost turning over the sleigh and then someone took several shots at the reindeer as they were preparing to land at another house.

Once Santa and his team of reindeer returned to the North Pole, a townhall meeting was held to evaluate options and ensure the safety of Santa and the reindeer. Ideas and brainstorming ensued with suggestions ranging from satellite defense systems, arming the sleigh with sidewinder missles and a .50 caliber machine gun to cancelling Santa's historic trip.

Santa and his council of wise elves carefully evaluated all of the recommendations. The satellite defense system was ruled out as was arming the sleigh. But the option that Santa and the council carefully considered for a considerable amount of time was cancelling any further travel. The impact of stopping Santa's annual trip was not taken lightly by anyone as it would mean that children around the world would not receive their Christmas gifts that they had come accustom.

But Santa's safety and the safety of his one dozen flight crewmembers was not taken lightly either. After days of meetings, lots of fruit trays, doughnuts, cookies, and hot chocolate, it seemed that Santa was going to have to cancel his annual flight around the world.

Just as it seemed that the unthinkable was going to be decided, a moose stood up near the back of the great meeting hall and raised his hoof. The moose, named Monte, explained that he had been laid-off from his job as a personal security guard for a famous recording artist that no longer had any income after recording a single hit in the 1980s.

Monte the Moose offered the Santa and the council of elves a new solution. If the great council would approve, Monte would fly Santa's intended course a day early and check out the scene on all of the scheduled landings. Monte would select the best landing zones and determine what areas were not safe for landing.

In war ravaged areas, Monte would locate a DMZ or demilitarized zone where there were no threats posed to Santa and his team. Houses that did not contain children but were used for illegal drugs or other criminal activity would be noted as a NLZ or No Landing Zone.

Santa and the council of wise elves carefully considered the proposal and reviewed Monte's resume. It was noted by the elves that during Monte's service to the once popular recording artist that no harm had befell the artist, and Monte's record was without blemish.

After much deliberation and the consumption of more fruit trays, Santa and the council of wise elves voted unanimously to take Monte the Moose up on his offer and renamed him, the Christmas Moose.

Since being employed by the SIA or Santa's Intelligence Agency, Monte aka the Christmas Moose now flies around the world on December 23rd carefully locating safe landing zones for Santa and his team and prepares a list of locations that are NLZs or No Landing Zones that Santa avoids druing his annual gift delivery.

So whenever you stop yourself and ask, "I wonder why I have never seen Santa's sleigh on the roof of a crack house." You can thank the Christmas Moose.

(c)2009 - Allen Madding


Canajun said...

You know, I've often wondered about the Christmas Moose. Thanks for the explanation.

Willy D said...

Might not have a sleigh on the roof of a crack-house, but there’s plenty of tracks.

Good story.

Learning to Golf said...

Thanks for the story Allen.

cpa3485 said...

Modern times call for modern Mooses! (or is it Moosi)
Great story!

Janni said...

Oh, this is perfect! In anticipation of continuing a family tradition, a few years ago I purchased a discounted small, lanky, stuffed moose with jingle bells on its feet. You see, for generations, my family has hidden little beings (my sister used an elf) around the house on various days prior to Christmas, and when a child finds it, a small, inexpensive gift is allowed to be unwrapped.

I now have an 18 month old grandson, and the Christmas Moose has been in active duty for the last few weeks. Thanks for providing the perfect explanation for him. It's on the web, so it must be true, right???

Kathleen Jennette said...

Its enough we have to shovel reindeer droppings on Christmas morning.... now moose droppings!? Oh well, all in the name of progress and Happy Christmaseseseseszzzz :)

Allen Madding said...

Janni - I am tickled to know that my short story can be put to such a good use! Merry Christmas

KTDid - This also explains Moose Tracks Ice cream!

Canajun, Willy D, AZ Harley Dude, cpa3485 - thanks for your kind words.

Merry Christmas, Y'all!

Mr. Motorcycle said...

Cute- Clever!

Jack Riepe said...

Dear Allen:

The moose will always have a place in my heart. Years ago, I was married to a beautiful Russian woman. My friends thought this hysterial. One day, she came to me and said, "Someone named 'Boris' keeps leaving messages on the telephone about getting the 'moose and squirrel.' Vat is dis moose and squirrel?"

True story...

Merry Chistmas!
Jack • reep • Toad
Twisted Roads

irondad said...

Last year on Dec. 23 there was a moose grazing in my yard trying to look innocent. I saw Christmas dinner and went outside. One look at the Winchester and the moose was gone. That probably explains the coal in my stocking. Now that I read your story it makes perfect sense.

Allen Madding said...

Mr. Motorcycle - thanks, it really came about with the prompting of the convo in the office. Tall tales created here :)

Reep - "Vat is dis moose and squirrel?" Priceless. You just can't pay for comedy that good!

IronDad - I'm pretty sure brandishing a weapon at the Christmas Moose gets your house on the NLZ (no landing zone) or HLZ (hot landing zone) list. Winchester, huh? 30-30? I have been wanting a Sharps .45-70. No real justification, just a want.

Merry Christmas, y'all!


mq01 said...

first, i heard on the radio that only girl reindeer have their antlers at christmas time so Rudolf must be a girl, and, now this. ;) !!! lol... merry christmas to you and yours allen.

Noel R. Guevara said...

Great story. I now have something to say to my son when he inquires about the likes of maurice, monte or borris. Hope to see their hoofs on Phillipine roofs this Christmas.

Unknown said...

I watched monty python and the majesik møøse.